My Daddy would be turning over in his grave if he knew what was going on amidst his children. I've done everything possible to hold true to my Dad's will and taking care of his estate...paying his bills, cleaning out his house and selling it and selling his pickup, doing his taxes and keeping on the attorney to do her part.
I'm as honest as a person comes... don't believe me?... Ask any of my friends. My friends KNOW me. My family...sadly, doesn't know the first thing about me, except that I was the youngest one in the family. They know my name, they may or may not know my middle name. They may or may not know my birthday. They probably could guess that I have four children, may not know their names, definitely do not know my children's birthdates unless they looked it up. They have no idea what I do for a living, nor do they know my heart...
My family not knowing me isn't by any fault of mine... that I know of. I've tried to have relationships with them over the years... hard to have relationships with serpents... some of them are NOT the nicest of people. Some of them are the nicest people you'll meet... I have extremes in the family... probably like most families... or at least most dysfunctional families. And yes, mine IS a VERY dysfunctional family!
Since my Dad's passing... it's been pure hell (to be perfectly honest with you) to be part of that portion of my family. My siblings have put me through pure hell. Accusing me of stealing from my dad to mishandling his money (which by the way, bank statements show all the transactions on an account:), it's absolutely amazing to me to what lengths and imagination they have gone to coming up with the stuff they accuse me of!...
Jesus was crusified for doing nothing wrong... he was done so by the evilest of people...
I'm being crucified for handling my Dad's estate... it's what he wanted... I handled it with the highest honesty and integrity that anyone could do. I honored my Dad by carryung out the task he asked me to do for him to the best of my ability. I did it alone.... NONE of my siblings would take the time to help out. None of my siblings wanted to spend countless hours going through his house, throwing away stuff, hauling to the dumpster, or salvaging stuff and hauling to be donated. NONE of my siblings helped in that very time consuming... and VERY emotional task. NONE of my siblings had to endure the heartache of the emotions of sorting through my daddy's belongings...knowing he would never be back in his house to use them. They never had to enter his empty house after he had passed away... they didn't have to get emotionally prepared to go to his empty house, knowing that he wasn't there... in his rocking chair watching tv like he had been literally hundreds of times before when I'd go visit. THEY didn't have to... they rarely went to visit him before his death... HOW can they say they were close to their Dad, when they rarely came to visit him and they rarely talked on the phone to him?! HOW can they say that?!
HOW can they act like THEY are in pain and mourning the loss of a Dad they never took time to know?! I just want to know HOW they can say that?! I want to know HOW they can act like THEY are so darn honest and supposeably I am not?! WHY?! What makes them so much better than me?! Seriously?! What?
HOW can they put themselves up on such a pedestal?!.... WHAT exactly did I ever do to deserve such false accusations?! I've done NOTHING! All I did... was carry out my Dad's will to the best of my ability with TOTAL honesty and integrity, because... I know NO other way to be. Character...
I'm sorry that their egos got in the way of their brains and they were mad that Dad didn't make them the Executor of the Estate. It was Dad's Estate... his choice. He choose me. Sorry... and by the looks of the behavior from the others... Dad knew exactly WHO he could trust to carry it our honestly. ME!
Because it seems to me that the people that point the finger of dishonesty the loudest are the exact people that would be doing the stealing if given the opportunity. For the stuff that I was accused of I couldn't even fathom in my brain! But... they came up with the ideas which to me tells me they are capable of doing such.
I miss my Daddy so badly. I spoke to him at least once a day for several YEARS and before the twice a day phone calls it was once a day and before that it was at least a three times a week. And when his wife was still alive, I still spoke to my dad at least once a week for my entire adult life! Him and I were close. I know what killed my dad... truth be told... it was the heartache that he suffered from never hearing from his other children....
Some people say that people 'get what they deserve" when they make mistakes and treat people how they shouldn't when there are arguments and disagreements and fall outs... some people think that people shouldn't ever be forgiven for their mistakes. I'm NOT one of those people. I believe that if someone makes a mistake, they just need to sincerely apologize and they should be forgiven. In some cases, that person will never apologize... then you have to decide if you're going to play God or still not forgive them, or if you're going to allow the past to be in the past and move on... knowing that the person that wronged you is your parent (but this goes for everyone)... and nobody is perfect... nobody. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone deserves to be forgiven of their mistakes... for life on this earth is far too short. I know I am not perfect. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I pray that people that I have ever unintentionally hurt will forgive me. I try to forgive everyone that wrongs me. Being angry and hurt and bitter just isn't who I am. I'm a happy positive soul. I know no other way to be.
I did my best... for my Daddy... I miss him so badly it hurts... still... and it's been over 18 months now...
Oh Jennifer! I'm so sorry you're going through this!
ReplyDeleteI went through EXACTLY the same thing when my dad died 19 years ago.
I was his sole caretaker for 3 years prior to his death. He, unlike your Daddy, didn't have a dime to his name--so there was really no estate to be executer of. That didn't keep 3 of my 5 siblings from making my life miserable.
I was from a 'his, mine and ours' family. I was the only "ours" child. The 3 sisters that were from dad's first marriage were the ones that made me miserable---long distance, too. I was in MIssouri taking care of him at 23 years old. They were in California making it impossible to do anything right. I had to find him a nursing home after he spent 3 months in the hospital, deal with all the bills, deal with moving him 3 times to 3 different apartments, medical and insurance stuff, and deal with his funeral after he died.
He had gotten well enough near the end of his life to go visit the California sisters. He drove them so crazy during his visit that they sent him to stay at a motel. He died there, alone. They shipped his body back to MO, because (Thank God, literally) he had a preburial plan in Independence. They didn't come to the funeral I had to plan. "We said our goodbyes already."
The ugliness started when I was cleaning out his apartment for the last time. One of the California sisters wanted a coffee table she'd seen at his apartment. My mother (his ex-wife before any of this happened) wanted it to. She said it represented a good time in their life together. It was a table they had bought at an auction and refinished together.
Of course, I gave it to my mom. You'd have thought I'd given her a million dollars that belonged to him the way the sisters reacted.
For a solid year they called me at all hours of the day and night and threaten me. They finally got a lawyer and threatened to sue me over a coffee table and pain and suffering. Eric (my hubby by then), finally had enough and told them if they didn't stop it, they'd find out what real trouble could be with a real lawyer.
Needless to say, I don't have any contact with them. It's weird that my own children don't really even know there are 3 aunts out there. As far as I'm concerned, they don't. Family or not, people that feel they can 'throw the first stone' are better off out of your life.
I'm so very, very sorry you are dealing with such ugliness from people that are supposed to love you and support you.
I pray for a peacefulness to envelope you. May Jesus wrap you up in his arms and shield your heart from people that are obviously not dealing with reality. Wear out the Serenity Prayer. :)
Love,
Carla
Carla, Thank you so very much for your kind words! They are MUCH appreciated! I'm so very sorry to hear about your Dad passing away alone in a hotel room. That is just horrible! Some people in this world are so extremely selfish...
ReplyDeleteI am at an amazing place of peace that only being wrapped in God's arms can provide. I'm truly blessed! thank you!