Decisions... decisions...

Decisions, decisions… why is it that we feel we must make decisions?...


For the obvious reasons there are times and circumstances in which we must decide what to do… where to go… what to be… whom to go with… to do this or do that… to trust or not to trust… to believe or not believe… to go through the yellow light or stop… to get married or not… to take a job or not… to get up in the morning or hit the snooze… what to eat… what to wear… what to watch on tv… what to listen to on the radio… what to read… whom to be friends with… what to share with others and what to keep to yourself… just to name a few of the decisions that we have to make… some are daily decisions, some are weekly, some can be hourly… regardless of when or how often… it’s the decisions you make that make up your life… that choose the life you lead and whom you lead it with. The smallest of decisions on your part can effect your life and what road you choose to go down… some decisions are huge and can seem overwhelming in how to make it, not knowing if the choice you make will be the right one. Other decisions are so minute that they won’t effect your day let alone your life.


Some people have a knack for making good decisions. They seem to have good common sense and they know who they are and what they want out of life and they go after it with everything they have.


Other people get paralyzed just by having to make a small decision that will effect their life and thus… don’t make it and end up honestly going no where… just existing…


How do you make your decisions in life? Do you go by your gut instinct? Do you just pick one and hope it works out for the best? Do you make a pros and cons list to weigh out your best choice? Do you flip a coin? Do you pray? Do you seek God’s desire at all? Do you ask friends for their opinions? Do you research? Everybody has their way of making decisions…some are well thought out and others are kind of careless or carefree depending on how you want to look at it.


For the big decisions that will effect your life and perhaps the lives of your family I hope that you pray about them. I would hope that you would seek God’s desire. Sometimes God’s desire is different from our own desire and that’s when another decision then has to be made.


Do you go with what God would have you do?... or do you do what your desire is and ignore God? Now, that’s a tough one!... It’s never easy to do something we would rather not do. It’s easier to please ourselves… After all, humans are by nature selfish people. We prefer to get what we want and to do things our way and when we have to do something someone else’s way (even if it is God) it’s just not fun. And there are some circumstances where it might just seem like it’s not fair either! And how do you handle that? How do you expect others to handle that? It’s easier to tell other people what they should be doing then it is to take your own advice. It’s easier to see the sin in someone else’s life then it is to look at your own life honestly. How do you handle that? How do you handle someone pointing out your sin when you can see their similar sin so clearly? That’s a hard decision. Do you accept what they are saying about you willingly and appreciative in a way that would allow you to improve yourself and grow? Or do you get defensive with that person for pointing out your sin when it’s so obvious that they are not without sin themselves?


I think that people instinctly react to people in a direct response in the way they are treated. Meaning if the person pointing out your sin is doing so out of love and respect and a desire to help you then your response will be different then if a person is being mean and cruel and pointing fingers at you and condemning you for the sin. Make sense?


God is not the type of God that condemns and points fingers. Which makes me wonder WHY so many people that call themselves Christians think that behavior is okay for them to do to others. It’s absolutely crazy if you think about it for any length of time. God himself doesn’t condemn, but loves us despite our sins. Yet, we humans find it acceptable to condemn?! Just craziness! Pure and simple. Humans thinking they are smarter than God. Hum…

The future is not written yet...

If you've read my blog over the months then you know that I am in limbo of sorts... not knowing which direction my life is going or supposed to go. It was starting to appear like I might be getting answers for direction, but... recently new developments were revealed and so it appears that we might have gone a step or two forward, but have now gone back to... awaiting another surgery.

So, just when I think I might have somewhat of a clue as to what I am doing with my future... I am again totally and completely in limbo. Not that I was out of limbo before, but I thought I was starting to see the light. 

It's okay. Seriously, truly honestly... I've been living in limbo so long I don't know any other way. Living totally and completely with all my faith in God. He has my future in his hands... I'm just along for the ride.

Would you want to know your future? Would you want to know when you will die? Everyone is going to die at some point... that's a fact. But, would you want to know when? Would you want to plan ahead for it? Or prefer to have a surprise?  How would you want to spend your last days, months? Do you think knowing when you will die would change how you live your life now? If so, why?

Not knowing the future is a blessing. It gives you something to look forward to. Something to hope for. The element of surprise isn't always bad. It can be fun. Not knowing when you are going to die takes the pressure off of you. The build up, the suspense... no worries.

The future is not written yet... there's still time for change... there's still time to make changes for the better...

I'm glad I don't know my future... I enjoy hoping and dreaming far too much!

Romans 15:13

Romans 15:13

 I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

To truly be able to completely feel joy and peace in the Holy Spirit is an absolutely amazing gift! It's indescribeable just how exactly it feels. Almost as if your spirit is floating within your physical body. If it were helium you'd surely be flying through the air! If you have never experienced that feeling... oh how I feel sorry for you... because it's the most amazing feeling.
Your world can be literally crashing down around you. All of your enemies can be attacking you. You can be broke, no money to pay the bills. Be given some horrible medical news. Your vehicle could break down. Your siblings could be verbally attacking you for no reason. Your body could be aching with pains. Your children could be stressed out with nothing you can do to help.  And the list goes on... but none... Absolutely NONE of that stuff can matter! It's all just... life and it's circumstances... and in the end... it doesn't matter. It may seem perplexing to some of you to think that so much could be 'wrong' in someones' life and yet... they can have such peace of spirit through the Holy Spirit that their life circumstances don't even effect them.
Perplexing?... maybe... or maybe not...  to those of you that have experience with the Holy Spirit living in you, it's not that hard to figure out. But to those of you that don't... it may seem like a lie.

It's not. It's the truth, and I know because that's me. I'm living it. Total and complete peace of spirit! Amidst some less than ideal life circumstances. There's actually more to that list... I just didn't name them all.

Life IS truly entirely ALL in how you see it. HOW you choose to view it. It's ALL a matter of perspective.
My perspective is... it could always be worse! Be thankful always for what I have! My glass is ALWAYS full to over flowing!... It just is!... There is NO glass half full. A glass half full to me is someone who isn't truly thankful just simply because they are alive and breathing.
With a grateful heart... your glass is always full.

With the Holy Spirit living in you... total and complete peace of your spirit IS possible...everyday... all day... no matter what life tosses your way.

If you haven't experienced that kind of deep peace... I pray that you will seek God and ask Him to open the eyes of your heart so that you can truly know His goodness. His unconditional love for you.
Because once you have a small grasp as to His love for you, because we as humans can never truly comprehend His love. Our brains just can't wrap themselves around it. But when we have our human understanding...then you can experience the Peace of spirit. Seek God with all your heart... you'll find the peace.

Soap box venting... sorry... had to let it out

My Daddy would be turning over in his grave if he knew what was going on amidst his children. I've done everything possible to hold true to my Dad's will and taking care of his estate...paying his bills, cleaning out his house and selling it and selling his pickup, doing his taxes and keeping on the attorney to do her part.

I'm as honest as a person comes... don't believe me?... Ask any of my friends. My friends KNOW me. My family...sadly, doesn't know the first thing about me, except that I was the youngest one in the family. They know my name, they may or may not know my middle name. They may or may not know my birthday. They probably could guess that I have four children, may not know their names, definitely do not know my children's birthdates unless they looked it up. They have no idea what I do for a living, nor do they know my heart...

My family not knowing me isn't by any fault of mine... that I know of. I've tried to have relationships with them over the years... hard to have relationships with serpents... some of them are NOT the nicest of people. Some of them are the nicest people you'll meet... I have extremes in the family... probably like most families... or at least most dysfunctional families. And yes, mine IS a VERY dysfunctional family!

Since my Dad's passing... it's been pure hell (to be perfectly honest with you) to be part of that portion of my family. My siblings have put me through pure hell. Accusing me of stealing from my dad to mishandling his money (which by the way, bank statements show all the transactions on an account:), it's absolutely amazing to me to what lengths and imagination they have gone to coming up with the stuff they accuse me of!...
Jesus was crusified for doing nothing wrong... he was done so by the evilest of people...

I'm being crucified for handling my Dad's estate... it's what he wanted... I handled it with the highest honesty and integrity that anyone could do. I honored my Dad by carryung out the task he asked me to do for him to the best of my ability. I did it alone.... NONE of my siblings would take the time to help out. None of my siblings wanted to spend countless hours going through his house, throwing away stuff, hauling to the dumpster, or salvaging stuff and hauling to be donated. NONE of my siblings helped in that very time consuming... and VERY emotional task.  NONE of my siblings had to endure the heartache of the emotions of sorting through my daddy's belongings...knowing he would never be back in his house to use them. They never had to enter his empty house after he had passed away... they didn't have to get emotionally prepared to go to his empty house, knowing that he wasn't there... in his rocking chair watching tv like he had been literally hundreds of times before when I'd go visit. THEY didn't have to... they rarely went to visit him before his death... HOW can they say they were close to their Dad, when they rarely came to visit him and they rarely talked on the phone to him?! HOW can they say that?!

HOW can they act like THEY are in pain and mourning the loss of a Dad they never took time to know?! I just want to know HOW they can say that?! I want to know HOW they can act like THEY are so darn honest and supposeably I am not?! WHY?! What makes them so much better than me?! Seriously?! What?

HOW can they put themselves up on such a pedestal?!.... WHAT exactly did I ever do to deserve such false accusations?! I've done NOTHING! All I did... was carry out my Dad's will to the best of my ability with TOTAL honesty and integrity, because... I know NO other way to be. Character...

I'm sorry that their egos got in the way of their brains and they were mad that Dad didn't make them the Executor of the Estate. It was Dad's Estate... his choice. He choose me. Sorry... and by the looks of the behavior from the others... Dad knew exactly WHO he could trust to carry it our honestly. ME!
Because it seems to me that the people that point the finger of dishonesty the loudest are the exact people that would be doing the stealing if given the opportunity. For the stuff that I was accused of I couldn't even fathom in my brain! But... they came up with the ideas which to me tells me they are capable of doing such.

I miss my Daddy so badly. I spoke to him at least once a day for several YEARS and before the twice a day phone calls it was once a day and before that it was at least a three times a week. And when his wife was still alive, I still spoke to my dad at least once a week for my entire adult life!  Him and I were close. I know what killed my dad... truth be told... it was the heartache that he suffered from never hearing from his other children....

Some people say that people 'get what they deserve" when they make mistakes and treat people how they shouldn't when there are arguments and disagreements and fall outs... some people think that people shouldn't ever be forgiven for their mistakes. I'm NOT one of those people. I believe that if someone makes a mistake, they just need to sincerely apologize and they should be forgiven. In some cases, that person will never apologize... then you have to decide if you're going to play God or still not forgive them, or if you're going to allow the past to be in the past and move on... knowing that the person that wronged you is your parent (but this goes for everyone)... and nobody is perfect... nobody. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone deserves to be forgiven of their mistakes... for life on this earth is far too short.  I know I am not perfect. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I pray that people that I have ever unintentionally hurt will forgive me. I try to forgive everyone that wrongs me. Being angry and hurt and bitter just isn't who I am. I'm a happy positive soul. I know no other way to be.

I did my best... for my Daddy... I miss him so badly it hurts... still... and it's been over 18 months now...

The grass isn't purple...

One of the great mysteries of being human is just HOW exactly can some people's view points become so skewed from the truth?  HOW can they say the grass is purple for instance when it's obvious it's green? Now, of course I'm being silly when I say that someone thinks the grass is purple... but my point is,  is that in that same context as how very far apart purple is from the color green... so too as these people with the distance between what they believe to be the truth is from reality.

HOW?! How do their brains function in it's ability to get so very far from the truth? And... HOW can they honestly convince themselves that what they think is true is true when they just HAVE to KNOW that it isn't! Don't those type people KNOW what's really true, but lie to others and themselves for their own benefits?

And... HOW do they sleep at night? Knowing that they are nothing but lies?... I couldn't do it. My conscious would get to me too much! I'm honest to a fault! I couldn't live with myself in a lie. So, if you want to know the truth... ask me. I can't lie. I'll tell you the grass is green. If you don't like that... then you'll have to not ask.

I guess for some people it's so much easier for them to make up a lie as their 'truth' then to face the fact that they lied... to face the fact that perhaps they did something wrong... and afterall, who wants to own up to their own mistakes? That would require maturity and responsibility and perhaps making apologies.... that would take someone with character... a humble soul, for you can't be arrogant and make apologies...

Sadly some people live their lives walking in purple grass... never looking in the mirror for they know what the reflection would be looking back at them if they did... it wouldn't be pretty... it'd be that of a life of lies and deception,  immaturity and arrogance... sins...

It's only too late for apologies,... if you're six feet under... then, it's too late.

Apologizing to God for your sins is one thing, and yes! God WILL forgive you. That's the easy one. But the hard apology is to the person you lied to or about... that's the one that requires you to become humble and acknowledge your lies... Asking that person isn't always easy. Admitting you were wrong... admitting that they might have reacted poorly to you based on how you treated them first... isn't easy.... but, it IS freeing!

It's never too late... the grass isn't purple..

Hearing from God...

It's been far too many days since I've been on here...sorry... life happens :)  So much has transpired in my life since I was on here last (Mar 11th) that I don't even have to time to go into it all tonight. Lots of prayer and seeking God has happened (as usual, but also for specifics). I also got called into work on light duty off workmans' comp which means the beginning of the end has started with that whole situation. If you're reading this and you're confused as to what I'm speaking about, go back and read my old blogs and catch up. Of course you can feel free to email me with any questions anytime as well.

Sometimes we think that God has to whisper in your ear, or even get a megaphone out and yell it in our ears to hear what He has to say (or know that He is talking to you)... but other times... God gives you answers without ever actually hearing from Him directly. Sometimes by knowing what you are supposed to be doing, or if there is a specific situation and by using that as your guide to measure anything else against what God has given you, your answer then becomes easy to know because if He gave you a set goal. Then for instance you wonder if something else is what God would have for you, all you really have to do is go back to the original goal and if that 'something' else doesn't go along with that original goal then... it's like God is talking to you, even though that particular time He didn't whisper in your ear... He relied on you to stay with the original goal He gave you. You measure it up and if it doesn't fit...then it's not from God.

I've gotten some "answers" from God lately which is always nice to get. No, He didn't speak to me directly... but I measured up the goal He has given me with other choices and decided that they were not what God would want for me as they didn't follow His plan.

Sometimes when you do the measuring against something that is really enticing it's hard to be honest and say that it's not what God would have you do. Other times, being able to measure up and not have it be from God is easy because it's not what you really would want to do or go with anyway.

I've had those situations recently... I've had to let go of things I thought I wanted and I've also realized what I wanted is not really what I was looking at. Discernment... measuring up... and being honest with yourself and with God.

Sometimes God's plans change for your life. We have to be willing to accept those changes and know they are for the best. God ALWAYS has your best interest at heart.

When waiting to hear from God and know what direction you are to go with your life; it's very easy to lose your focus and start making up your own ideas...

Being patient and know that God IS in control and that He DOES have a plan and the plan will be perfect in HIS timing is what helps me make it through some days. Those days when I get tired and bored with waiting because I'm like a child in a candy store... I just want to look and touch everything 'cause I'm curious. Sitting around waiting to hear from God and find out what direction I am going in my life isn't my cup of tea so to speak... but I am, non-the-less. still being patient... still listening to MikesChair, and patiently waiting...

but I have some answers... and I'm okay with them. They are for the best! I want to wait for the best and I know that the best of my life is yet to come!